The Ball Room

Enjoy this entry regarding the ball room and proper etiquette.

Chesterfield says, “dancing is one of those established follies, to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform.”

It is usual, at public balls, to appoint a master of the ceremonies, and stewards to regulate them: if you wish to dance with any lady with whom you are unacquainted, you must apply to the master of ceremonies for an introduction; and if there be no manifest difference of station, he will introduce you.

A few words respecting dress and dancing may not be here irrelevant. In addition to what has been said, you will always where white, or light-colored gloves, at a ball.

Do not dance a quadrille or contre dance unless you have some knowledge of the figure. In dancing, let your steps be few, but well and easily performed, and prefer the elegant to the ostentatious; lead your partner gracefully through the figure, lightly taking her hand. When the dance is concluded, conduct her to a seat, and pay her those attentions which will suggest themselves to ever body but the most uncultivated boor – she may require her shawl, a scarf, refreshment – these you may suggest without being improperly assiduous.

Neither in a ball-room, nor in any other public place, be too ready to take offence at imaginary slights, or even at apparent rudeness. Extreme cases may occur which demand notice; but an intentional insult is rarely given; if such should occur, the presence of ladies should make you notice so slight that none but the aggressor should be aware of it; a contrary line of conduct will not add to your reputation for courage or gallantry. A well-bred woman will not thank you for making her a spectacle in a public room, but will assuredly blame your rashness, unless the case be one of unqualified indecorum; even then, (if it be possible,) a man of true courage will disguise his resentment, and seek a proper time for explanation.

Should a lady decline dancing with you, and afterwards dance with another person, you will not be offended, if you will suffer yourself to reflect on the many reasons which may have induced the apparent rudeness. Personal preference, and the various emotions which may agitate the female, heart will furnish abundant cause for her decision, without her considering you either a fool or a boor, both of which characters she would infallibly attach to you, if, by indecorous conduct on the occasion, you thwarted her wishes; whereas, by a judicious blindness you will probably secure her respect. Recollect, the desire of imparting pleasure, especially to the fair sex, is one of the essential qualifications of a gentleman.

If a lady be engaged when you request her to dance, and you have obtained her promise for the succeeding dance, be sure to be in attendance, and avoid the appearance of neglect. No excuse can be sufficient apology for forgetfulness.

From: Pocket Book of Etiquette Gentleman's - 1840

Gentleman's Pocket Book of Etiquette

Servants

There are a few things that denote the gentleman more than the manner of speaking to a servant; decision without haughtiness, condescension without familiarity, kindness with dignity, will always characterize the address of a gentleman to his dependents.

Never speak superciliously or passionately to a servant; commands given with mildness will be cheerfully obeyed; and especially avoid an imperative style of speaking to the servants of another.  In requesting them to hand you anything, preface the desire with “I will thank you for so and so.” Your tone and manner must indicate that the deference is paid to your sense of propriety, and that the request is to be complied with as a matter of course.

If during a party, your servant is peculiarly awkward, do not scold or speak harshly; but if his conduct requires reproof, reserve it to a more convenient opportunity.

Servants should wait at table in white gloves.

Hiring Servants

Lady's Maid

Etiquette for Gentlemen 1840 England: Dueling

I really do need to write a novel with a smashing duel scene!

Page 73:

It has been suggested to me that as Duel is essentially a matter of Etiquette, it should not be unnoticed, and that as ignorance is the parent of mischief, in other cases, it is likely to prove so in this. I am aware, however, that on this subject, so strong is the prejudice of some minds, that is admission to these pages may be condemned. After however maturely weighing the for and against, I have resolved on devoting a chapter thereto, being convinced from much observation and many opportunities, that more meetings arise out of ignorance in this particular than from any other cause. I must now most unqualifiedly protest against the practice of DUEL, even while I fear it cannot be abolished, except by the legislature.

Page 77:

A gentleman is always cool, or rather, never appears in passion in the society of ladies. A man of courage is always collected, and if accustomed to good society will never outrage its feelings, unless brutally attacked; then of course he may be allowed to repel brute force, by the like, the same as he would resist the attack of a highwayman in the presence of ladies, however alarmed they might be; he however who could calmly receive a blow, with the cool determination of clearing the disgrace at the proper opportunity, would undoubtedly the most entitled to the appellation of a perfect gentleman.

Well, more to come later on the proper etiquette or dueling. 

This is all from Wikipedia on some famous British and Irish Duels during the early 19th Century.

• 1803: Captain James Macnamara and Colonel Montgomery; over a dispute between their dogs fighting in Hyde Park. Both were wounded, Montgomery mortally. Macnamara was tried for manslaughter at the Old Bailey but was acquitted.^[13]
• 1804: Captain Best fatally wounded Thomas Pitt, 2nd Baron Camelford. He died three days later.^[14]
• 1807: Sir Francis Burdett, 5th Baronet and James Pauli; both men were wounded.
• 1808: Major Campbell and Captain Boyd; Major Campbell was tried and executed for killing Captain Boyd.
• 1809: George Canning and Lord Castlereagh; Canning was slightly wounded.
• 1815: Daniel O'Connell and Captain John Norcot d'Esterre; d'Esterre was killed.^[15]
• 1821: John Scott and Jonathon Henry Christie. Scott was the founder and editor of the London Magazine. The duel was born out of the Cockney School controversy. John Gibson Lockhart had been abusing many of Scott's contributors in Blackwood's Magazine (under a pseudonym (Z), as was then common). In May 1820, Scott began a series of counter-articles, which provoked Lockhart into calling him "a liar and a scoundrel". In February 1820, Lockhart's London agent, J.H. Christie, made a provocative statement, and Scott challenged him. They met on 16 February 1821, at a farm between Camden Town and Hampstead. Christie did not fire in the first round, but there was a misunderstanding between the seconds, resulting in a second round. Scott was hit in the abdomen, and died 11 days later. Christie and his second were tried for willful murder and acquitted; the collection for Scott's family was a notable radical cause.
• 1822: Richard Temple-Grenville, 1st Duke of Buckingham and Chandos and Francis Russell, 7th Duke of Bedford.^[12]
• 1824: The 3rd Marquess of Londonderry and Ensign Battier; Battier was a cornet in the Marquess' regiment. When Battier's pistol misfired, he declined the offer of another shot and left. He was later horsewhipped by the Marquess' second Sir Henry Hardinge.
• 1826: David Landale, a linen merchant from Kirkcaldy, duelled with his bank manager, George Morgan, who had slandered his business reputation. This was the last duel to be fought on Scottish soil; George Morgan, a trained soldier, was shot through the chest and mortally wounded by Landale, who had never before held a pistol. Landale was tried for murder but found not guilty. The subject of a book "Duel" by his descendant James Landale.
• 1829: The Duke of Wellington and the 10th Earl of Winchilsea; both aimed wide.
• 1835: Mr Roebuck and Mr Black, editor of the Morning Chronicle
• 1835: William Arden, 2nd Baron Alvanley and Morgan O'Connell, son of Daniel O'Connell. Alvanley asserted that Morgan's father had been "purchased" by William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne on his accession to the office of Prime Minister, O'Connell retorted by calling Alvanley "a bloated buffoon".
• 1839: The 3rd Marquess of Londonderry and Henry Gratton
• 1840: James Thomas Brudenell, 7th Earl of Cardigan and Captain Harvey Garnett Phipps Tuckett; Captain Tuckett was wounded. Cardigan was arrested, tried in the House of Lords and was acquitted.^[16]
• 1840: Prince Louis Napoleon and Charles, Count Léon; Police arrived to prevent the duel; both men were arrested and taken to Bow Street Prison.
• 1843: Colonel Fawcett and Lieutenant Monro, in Camden; Colonel Fawcett was killed.
• 1845: Lieutenant Henry Hawkey, Royal Marines, and Captain James Alexander Seton, British Army ; Captain Seton died on 2 June. This was the last recorded fatal duel fought in England. This is recorded in other sites as having taken place at Browndown Camp, Gosport, Hampshire.

Etiquette For Gentlemen

One of my favorite books, Etiquette for Gentlemen, has some excellent tips for the polite American Gentlemen.

When a man marries, all acquaintance with his former companions ceases; and unless it is renewed by sending them the cards of the new-married couple, they are no longer on visiting terms. Reasons of economy may render an extensive connexion imprudent, and sound discretion will immediately suggest that many of the bachelor's most agreeable companions would be very improper connexions for a benedict, and by no means prudent associates of the domestic hearth. Custom has established this rubicon, and has dictated that no offence shall be taken by those who not the passport.

If you wish to dance with a lady at a public ball, the master of ceremonies will introduce you , if there be no difference in station and the lady has no objection.

If there be another chair in the room, do no offer a lady that from which you have just risen.

Gentility is neither in birth, manner, nor fashion, but in the mind. A high sense of honor - a determination never to take mean advantage of another - an adherence to truth, delicacy and politeness towards those  with whom you may have dealings - are the essential and distinguishing characteristics of a gentleman.